quit playing games with my heart ♥

Saturday, August 8, 2009 11:29 PM

Rotted at home today. Like really, rot. Wasn't in the best mood.
Hate staying at home, argh.

Anyway, went to the hospital with dad and bro just now. Visit ahma yaknowwwwww.
Dad says another funeral will be coming, sigh. Why must it be like this? Last month ahgong, this month ahma.
Im not really close to them. But I still will feel sad.
When they were still in great health, I use to hang out at their place alot and they were really kind.
When they moved to dagu's house, our relationship sort of drifted. And their health began going down.
Ahma was sort of like paralysed. But I remember one time, when she was lying in bad, she told me stories.
She asked if school was alright etc and even told me about ahgong!

And ahgong will always be so happy when I visit him.
He'll always smile and nod his head at me because he knew my hokkien cmi and his chinese is cmi.
Last month, when I visit him a few days before he passed away, I was holding his hand.
He kept insisiting on going home. But his heart is failing every minute. He tried taking off the oxygen mask,
but was always stopped by my father.
He looked really scared. His eyes were full of fear. And before I know it, he was gone.
I was sleeping soundly that night. And he, slept too. Never waking up.

I dont want my ahma to go. My dad will suffer even more.
I dont want to see him suffer. I dont to see my parents suffer.
Today afternoon, I went to find mummy to complain about lots of stuffs.
And she told me that I have to study hard and earn alot of money. Only like that, I wont be looked down at.
Dad always tell me that too.
"So little money! When you go out with friends, must bring alot! Then you wont be looked down yet!"
I know why they will think that way. Because my relatives are all rich people.

I hate them sometimes. Rich so what? You have a happy family, so what?
If you are arrogant, I can say confidently that I am richer than you.
When I dress in my going-out-to-have-fun clothing, they will always stare at me like im from geylang.
And they will start asking about my school. And only then I am proud to say that Im from cchms.
Because, they wll leave me alone. I bet they must be thinking,
'Phew. If she goes into neighbourhood school, her future is gone. Then she'll be a blacksheep in our family!'
But then again, how I wish im from neighbourhood school. Then I can show them,
"No, we still have a future. Just because you come from a good school, have brilliang results doesnt mean that you are good"

Ohyes, I told my mother about my chest tightness and heart pain problems.
She said I need to see a doc and be excused from 2.4km. But as usual, she told me to go find my dad.
I went to my dad and told him the same thing, and he said "How can that be? You are only a child."
But hey daddy, I used to have asthma when I was young, remember?
He dont and I forgave him because I know he is stressed.
This is one of the example when my mum wants me to ask my dad and my dad do nothing.
Or sometimes, he will want me to go ask my mum back.
It have alr become a routine.

I dont understand life sometimes. Why must the world become so complicated as you grow older?
But why oh why, did my world change so fast?
I love lollipops, I love chocolates, I love candies, I love ice-cream, I love merry-go-round, I love the zoo, I love playgrounds, I love hi5, I love disney princess, I love hello kitty and I think tom&jerry is cool.
Sometimes people just forgot.